Discernment Counseling
Sometimes couples are at an impasse; one partner may feel unsure about continuing with the relationship while the other partner would like to remain committed and to move forward, or both partners may feel uncertain how or if they should try to move forward with their relationship or exit. When couples are not on the same page about the direction of their relationship, or feel stuck in indecision about what they should do, discernment counseling may be a good fit.
Discernment counseling is not couples’ therapy - it is counseling designed to let each partner freely explore the potential outcomes of exiting the relationship, or engaging in couples’ therapy with the hope of being able to reconnect and recommit to the relationship. Lasting 3-5 sessions, with both partners attending the session for an initial check-in, then splitting the time to meet individually. In these individual meetings, I guide each partner to explore each of the potential paths available, identifying areas of desire, hope and distress. As we approach the 3rd through 5th sessions, more focus on next steps for each partner starts to form. If both partners decide to engage in couples’ therapy to see if they can repair and rebuild, they are in a much better position to understand what their own needs are in the relationship, how to communicate them, and how to receive their partners’ expression of needs and be authentic in their responses.
Please note: Sessions are typically scheduled at 75 minutes for $250 per session.
Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling Structure: What to Expect
Discernment counseling is intended to be a short-term (3-5 sessions total) engagement to identify what path will be taken next when there is a misalignment between partners (one is leaning towards separation), or both partners are feeling stuck in the unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship dynamic and unable to find a way forward.
Sessions 1-3 or 4 (each session is 75 minutes): At each session, your therapist will meet with you both together briefly, and then will split the session to meet with each of you individually.
The sessions will be used to identify which path each partner feels they are heading towards (separation, reconciliation, or status quo), and explore: the path you’re leaning towards, clarity on what each path would look like, fears, uncertainties about yourself or your partner, and so on. Both partners will explore the possibilities of each path, to help them discern which path they are affirmed to and what healthy steps they need to take to make the healthiest outcome possible.
When the path to reconciliation is chosen, couples therapy begins immediately, with both partners present. The discernment counseling allowed both partners to explore and identify their goals for the relationship, and where their personal obstacles are. The counselor is able to utilize the discernment experience to help guide couples therapy in the most meaningful directions as identified by both partners.
The Three Paths
RECONCILIATION (Couples Therapy)
This path leads to a commitment to a period of time of dedicated couples therapy to mutually improve communication, heal ruptures and hurts, and explore reconciliation.
If reconciliation were possible, what would you need to be different in your relationship? What would you need from your partner? What do you identify as your personal obstacles to participating in couples therapy to explore reconciliation?
SEPARATION
This path leads to one ore more partner deciding to end the relationship. Additional sessions are available for separation/divorce counseling to improve healthy communication leading to amicable separation and for the benefit of children.
If you were to separate, what are your greatest fears? What would the healthiest separation look like? What would you need to work on to achieve healthy separation?
STATUS QUO
This path represents a place of feeling stuck or unwilling/unable to lean into couples therapy, while also unwilling to separate. In the case of status quo, individual counseling is highly recommended.
What are the obstacles keeping you from the other paths? What processing or healing do you need in order to move out of stuck? What does the status quo cost you?d How does it benefit you?
Offered by Olivia Wright, LMFT
Frequently Asked Questions
Still wondering if discernment counseling is the next right step? Here are answers to some of the questions we hear most often.
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Discernment counseling is designed specifically for couples where one or both partners are unsure whether they want to stay in the relationship. The goal isn't to solve every problem immediately, but to gain greater clarity about the future of the relationship.
If discernment counseling leads to the path of reconciliation, couples counseling begins immediately, with both partners present.
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No. My role is not to persuade you toward any particular decision. Instead, I help both partners explore their options thoughtfully and with greater understanding.
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Discernment counseling is intended to be short-term, lasting three to five sessions, depending on your situation and goals. There are no more than 5 discernment counseling sessions. It’s intended to be a space of exploration to clarify and guide next steps, not individual or couples therapy.
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Absolutely. If you both decide to work on the relationship, we can discuss transitioning into ongoing couples therapy. Discernment counseling often transitions into more meaningful and productive couples therapy because of the insight gained by all parties.
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For partners looking to improve communication, rebuild trust, reconnect emotionally, or heal after infidelity.
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In person and online throughout CaliforniaOUR SERVICES
Mindfulness
Office Location:
970 Reserve Drive, Suite 170 Roseville, CA 95678
Info@MagnoliaTherapyServices.org
By appointment only